Disclaimer: Mature language used in the following post.
A guide for mother’s…
Miscarriage. It is a devastating loss. The overwhelming excitement of motherhood comes crashing down with one shattering diagnosis. Sadly, up to 1 in 5 women lose their child to miscarriage. Women keep the pain of this loss a secret, or gloss over it, to build immunity to the reality of their loss.
And talking about it can be even harder. Losing a child, at any stage and dealing with this kind of loss can be traumatizing and personal. Handling loss in general can be very private and different for each woman. As a brand, we hope to find ways to on an individual level to support these mothers.
For you, as a mother, here are some ways to help deal with the loss and begin to healing process…
- BE GRACIOUS to yourself and your body – take time to mentally digest what has happened and physically, make sure you are providing your body the nutrients and rest it needs. This is not your fault so don’t let the ‘why’ consume and define you.
- It’s going to be DIFFERENT for everyone. There is no formula for making the pain just go away.
- TIME – give yourself enough – there is no right or wrong amount of time. Just recognize if you need more and let your support know when you need them to step in (or step off).
- Find your SUPPORT gang – reach out to friends and family who have been through this. They will probably be your rock in all of this. If you need a little more, there are great external resources too from support groups to licensed professionals who will help deal with your loss.
- RECOGNIZE that it happened. Almost all moms we talked to said this was THE most important step. This can be especially important if you have already shared the news of your pregnancy. See these canned responses for helpful suggestions when sharing the news and how to handle responses for late losses.
- CELEBRATE the life that you lost. This is going to be a journey of grief so don’t forget to remember.
There is a huge social movement out there to make this easier and normalize the grief, even if you are usually a more private person. Check out Jessica Zucker, PhD and founder of @ihadamisscarriage and the #IHadAMiscarriage movement – to remove the stigma of suffering a miscarriage in silence. The healing chapter begins when you take the first step. Just remember, you are not alone.
A guide for them…(what to say to her when she’s had a miscarriage)
B.S. Feel Good Comments (i.e. what NOT to say):
- It will get better
- Everything happens for a reason
- They’ll be more chances
- It wasn’t meant to be
- At least you can get pregnant
Instead, say this…
- I’m sorry
- I love you
- What can I do for you (don’t just say this one, actually do something, bring her ice cream at 10 pm, take her shopping, most importantly, just be there)
It’s going to be hard, especially if you haven’t been through this personally. If you just are not sure what to say, try one of these cards. #FUCKLOSS
Other valuable resources: